bandbutts:

If masturbating while stoned isn’t called weed whacking I don’t know how to live my life anymore

My mom found out my sister had been dancing on a table while her friends waved money at her during this school trip, and she just smiled and said to the counselor “oh it’s genetic”

posyes:

i went to school with a pair of identical twins and one time one of them was like “i’m so hot, i’d fuck me” and he turned to wink suggestively at his brother who just batted his eyelashes and blew a kiss at him

daftpostpunk:

• post limit gets changed to 150 posts a day
• you can’t google tumblr anymore you must yahoo it
• no more selfies allowed
• blogs with less than 300 followers will be deleted
• heroin will be legalized
• george bush will become president again
• stock market will crash
• korea will blow the US up
• world war 3

monarchbaby:

mareeps:

still not sure what exactly math is

It’s buying 72 watermelons while not admitting you have a problem

shadowrawrs:

strawberrydaydreams:

do you ever hate someone so much but you don’t even have a valid reason

you’re just like

no

And then they give you a reason and its like